11-16-2021, 06:05 PM
[align=center][div style="width: 470px; text-align: justify; font-family: andale mono; font-size: 7pt; letter-spacing: 2.5px; word-spacing: 1px; line-height: 14px;"]Suddenly, it felt as if the world was caving in.
All of this was an act. It always had been an act, riding solely on circumstance. But, if circumstances changed, then what would that make Teddy? Tatiana shared the news that she was expecting, and the realisation that his life would change forever suddenly felt daunting. An understatement at best, but something in his eyes went cold the moment he learned that she was with child. The word ❛ father ❜ rotted in his mouth — whilst he placed Papa on a pedestal, Teddy resented him in so many ways. Was it love or the fear of losing him forever? The desperation to finally please Papa in the hopes that maybe this time he would stay. Was that naïve of him, allowing for Papa to live off of Teddy’s success when he’d only given Teddy as much as a mechanical, sneering grin to confess his ❛ gratitude ❜ in vain? He milked Teddy’s success for all that he had, attempting to live the life that he could never achieve himself.
Teddy feared Papa because he knew exactly what he was like; self-serving and hollow-hearted. Years of neglect had taught Teddy that much. But, what Teddy feared more than anything was that he would be the same to his own children some day. Perhaps this was the underlying concern that he was too afraid to admit to anyone. In fact, Teddy adored his nephews and couldn’t wait for Juliette to give him a new niece or nephew in the upcoming weeks. He was good with children, but refused to bear his own. The word ❛ father ❜ was too terrifying to cope with. He wanted so desperately to insist that he and Papa were not the same, but sometimes it felt as if he was staring straight into the mirror whenever he saw Papa’s face. The apple never fell far from the tree; a cold and harsh realisation.
On the beach, Teddy stood barefooted as he watched the waves rolling back and forth. The warmth of the sun’s parting hues glistened across the water, sighing with the current gently. Soon the moon would rise and the stars would sprawl across the sky. They were beautiful but, in the end, even the stars chose destruction over life. Perhaps Teddy was the same in that way. He could claim that he had everything he could ever wish for — God he had so mercilessly slain and devastated innocent lives in this dog-eat-dog world in order to find any semblance of success — but how had he survived for this long when he was so self-destructive? So self-sabotaging? He would turn his nose up to any change of circumstance, not because he didn’t want it but because he was afraid of change. This mask he wore was not transitional; it could not morph as he grew. He could blame anyone else for his hesitancy to become a father, but it was his own insecurity and reluctance to change for fear of people truly seeing him in the same way he saw himself.
Teddy had not told anyone of the news just yet. Not Papa. Not Juliette. Not Micah... Luckily, Tatiana was still in the early ages of her pregnancy and it was hard to really notice any change to her body as of yet. Good. It gave Teddy some time to come to terms with his new life of his. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Teddy released a stressed sigh before he turned to begin walking along the shoreline towards the casino hotel. The water was cold as it splashed at his ankles, his free hand sliding into the pockets of his trousers whilst the other hand held onto his shoes loosely. He had avoided Tatiana all day, not that she had done anything to deserve the treatment. But every time he looked at her, the gnawing anxiety only seemed to grow. Badlanders passed by, greeting Teddy with the hope of getting any sort of recognition and acknowledgement, Teddy instinctively settling his grievance with his mask as his lips twisted into a baring smile and greeting. But, once they passed by, Teddy’s face fell again, clearly deep in sombre thought.
All of this was an act. It always had been an act, riding solely on circumstance. But, if circumstances changed, then what would that make Teddy? Tatiana shared the news that she was expecting, and the realisation that his life would change forever suddenly felt daunting. An understatement at best, but something in his eyes went cold the moment he learned that she was with child. The word ❛ father ❜ rotted in his mouth — whilst he placed Papa on a pedestal, Teddy resented him in so many ways. Was it love or the fear of losing him forever? The desperation to finally please Papa in the hopes that maybe this time he would stay. Was that naïve of him, allowing for Papa to live off of Teddy’s success when he’d only given Teddy as much as a mechanical, sneering grin to confess his ❛ gratitude ❜ in vain? He milked Teddy’s success for all that he had, attempting to live the life that he could never achieve himself.
Teddy feared Papa because he knew exactly what he was like; self-serving and hollow-hearted. Years of neglect had taught Teddy that much. But, what Teddy feared more than anything was that he would be the same to his own children some day. Perhaps this was the underlying concern that he was too afraid to admit to anyone. In fact, Teddy adored his nephews and couldn’t wait for Juliette to give him a new niece or nephew in the upcoming weeks. He was good with children, but refused to bear his own. The word ❛ father ❜ was too terrifying to cope with. He wanted so desperately to insist that he and Papa were not the same, but sometimes it felt as if he was staring straight into the mirror whenever he saw Papa’s face. The apple never fell far from the tree; a cold and harsh realisation.
On the beach, Teddy stood barefooted as he watched the waves rolling back and forth. The warmth of the sun’s parting hues glistened across the water, sighing with the current gently. Soon the moon would rise and the stars would sprawl across the sky. They were beautiful but, in the end, even the stars chose destruction over life. Perhaps Teddy was the same in that way. He could claim that he had everything he could ever wish for — God he had so mercilessly slain and devastated innocent lives in this dog-eat-dog world in order to find any semblance of success — but how had he survived for this long when he was so self-destructive? So self-sabotaging? He would turn his nose up to any change of circumstance, not because he didn’t want it but because he was afraid of change. This mask he wore was not transitional; it could not morph as he grew. He could blame anyone else for his hesitancy to become a father, but it was his own insecurity and reluctance to change for fear of people truly seeing him in the same way he saw himself.
Teddy had not told anyone of the news just yet. Not Papa. Not Juliette. Not Micah... Luckily, Tatiana was still in the early ages of her pregnancy and it was hard to really notice any change to her body as of yet. Good. It gave Teddy some time to come to terms with his new life of his. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Teddy released a stressed sigh before he turned to begin walking along the shoreline towards the casino hotel. The water was cold as it splashed at his ankles, his free hand sliding into the pockets of his trousers whilst the other hand held onto his shoes loosely. He had avoided Tatiana all day, not that she had done anything to deserve the treatment. But every time he looked at her, the gnawing anxiety only seemed to grow. Badlanders passed by, greeting Teddy with the hope of getting any sort of recognition and acknowledgement, Teddy instinctively settling his grievance with his mask as his lips twisted into a baring smile and greeting. But, once they passed by, Teddy’s face fell again, clearly deep in sombre thought.
[align=center][div style="width: 400px; font-family: verdana; text-align: justify; font-size: 6pt; line-height: 1.4; letter-spacing: 0.5px; word-spacing: 2px; margin-bottom: 5px;"]✧･ﾟ: I'VE BEEN IN LIKE A THOUSAND TIMES, DATED EVERY WOMAN IN THE ATMOSPHERE. I'VE BEEN TO EVERY CONTINENT, BROKEN ALL THE HEARTS IN EVERY HEMISPHERE, AND IF I'M NOT THE TYPE OF GUY YOU LIKE TO CIRCUMVENT, JUST REMEMBER NOT TO LOVE ME WHEN I DISAPPEAR. I GRADUATED AT THE TOP, I LIKE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE BOURGEOISIE . . .