SHE SAW THE LIGHT // private

[dannychan]

he blinked. "no, but i know a lot because pam can't keep her big mouth shut.."

[peridot.]

He winced and said, sighing, "Fucking Pam... Well, whatever, I've never told herabout this." He then said, looking down at the ground so that he couldn't see the other's gaze, "So... when I was little, I used to play dress up. Because lots of kids play dress up when they're little, you know? But... I'll admit that I had a particular affinity for the feminine kind of stuff. I would love taking any girly clothes that I could get my hands on, and wearing them. And my Mother never noticed because... God, what the fuck did she notice about me? Not much. That is, of course, until I started getting older. The... affinity I had for feminine stuff didn't go away. It just... got stronger. But as I got older and met more people and learned more stuff, I realized the fact that I still liked playing dress-up was... weird. To say the least. Especially with the clothes I liked. And it all kinda came to a head when I was... God, I don't even really remember. Maybe a really young teen? A pre-teen? Anyways, I had forgotten one of my friends was coming over that day, and that was one of the days I was feeling particularly feminine, so I got the bright idea to steal my Mother's make-up. And try it. So here I was, all dressed up in stolen or pawn shop dresses, with makeup kinda messy but nice on my face, happy as hell, and then... my Mother is home. And she knows I stole her makeup. And she has my friend in tow. So... I end up standing there as my absolutely furious Mother -who obviously cared more about her make-up more than me - is screaming at me, with my douchebag friend with her who is taking fucking pictures so he can show them to people later, and I have to transfer fucking schools because people won't stop calling me the girly boy and teasing me and my Mother is gone even more often now and I'm acting out and I decide to throw out all my fucking dresses and burn them and hide away the make-up kit that I get for myself later because every time I touch it I burst into tears and.. and.."

I don't actually know what his childhood was like so if anything is too overtly away from anything described in the show just pretend it's an au

[dannychan]

/he didn't live with malory but that's fine

he listened and gently tugged him down. "i will personally punch her if she ever hurts you again, ok? there's nothing bad with wanting to be feminine."

[peridot.]

/yeah like I said I didn't know where the fuck he did live or anything so I just wung it

He made a soft noise as he was tugged down, and he buried his face into Ray, his breath coming out a bit raspy. He then whined softly, shaking his head, "That's not even... it wasn't even her that told me there was anything wrong with being feminine. It was all the people calling me girly boy and fag and anything else they could thing. So... I guess the secondary thing was what happened with my Mother. The fact that she cared more about her make-up and literally anything else than me or my feelings, but... that's not what I was talking about."

[dannychan]

he frowned and held him gently, sighing and kissing him. "tell you what.. how about we go look at some girly stuff tomorrow and i'll get you whatever you want, hm. you don't have to wear it out or even wear it at all. you'll just have it."

[peridot.]

He kissed back and blinked at Ray, seeming nervous at first, but then he slowly nodded, saying softly, "That sounds... nice."

[dannychan]

he smiled. "good. we can go this weekend~"

[peridot.]

He nodded and sank into the other, laying there for a moment before shifting a bit uncomfortably and mumbling into the other's shoulder, "You know it's not.. just wanting... to be feminine.."

[dannychan]

he looked at him. "do you want to be a girl?"

[peridot.]

"It's... it's not the bit of makeup that made me freak out, it was just..." He hesitated for another long moment, before huffing a bit and saying softly, "So, uhm, we've never really talked about my childhood really in-depth before, have we? Cause it.. kinda has something to do with this.."