MORE TO THE POINT WHY DO YOU LET BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO ME?

[grayflower]

haha im kinda trying not to cry bc im in school rn but my anxiety is through the fucking roof and everything is terrible and i have a ton of friends but i just do not,,,,,,,, feel connected to humans as a whole?? ? ?? like im just here but im barely even real and im just?? ? ?? i dont get why my friends are still my friends im just. i probably make them sad

[Rook!]

u dont make ur friends sad!!!!1 u light up our days
in fact i was crying when u sent me that message and it really cheered me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


as for school anxiety, my suggestion is to take things one class at a time. dont think about whats ahead of u, just think about getting through the class ur in

[grayflower]

but the difference is that you don't see me irl, barely able to walk and breathe
i'm glad i made you feel better though <333

im really trying tbh
i actually got some work done in math yesterday
i still dont understand what were doing????? but i tried

[Rook!]

honey
sweetie
sugar plum
1. idgaf if u have trouble doing things that are easy for other people. u dont see me screaming in malls because its too too too much. u dont see me throw myself onto the floor and sob bc my parents are making me wash my feet and i dont like how it feels. u dont see me rock back and forth so hard that my head slams into the wall. i get u. i feel u. i might not be physically ailed, other than a bit of arthritis, but i understand feeling like a burden. hell, im terrified to move in with io because what if he doesnt realize what hes getting into? what if having an autistic boyfriend is too much for him. and no matter how much i reassure myself that hes a good person, i wouldnt blame him if he balked at the thought. so i understand. 100% i understand


oof what math are you in

[grayflower]

t hat's too relatable
i really need to eventually get tested for autism bc i don't know what's up with me but that's the best word i've got for it rn
i don't think ur too much for him, he put up with me for a while and i'm like that
(i think i get what ur saying though, i still love you!!! you're a good person c: )

idk its just. they see me and i cant move and it really upsets them and it really upsets me because i dont want to need help and i just cry all the time because im sad and because my whole body hurts unbelievably bad
i mean i dont want my friends to feel like theyre taking care of me

[Rook!]

i understand that feeling 100% - when im not functioning 100%, it can feel like my friends become my caretakers. Cleaning my face when i make a mess, or talking me through why i shouldn't eat leaves off of trees or some weird shit like that
and its uncomfortable and humiliating and upsetting
and being in pain all the time's no fun - i have psoriatic arthritis whcih im sure doesnt compare, but it at least gives me a sneak peak into what u may be feeling. it sucks, and theres not much that makes it better, but sometimes just remembering people love you and dont think ur a burden helps

[grayflower]

g od me too, i'm a really messy eater and my friends have to point it out to me because i don't notice that i'm like covered in crumbs
also!! being really suicidal and my friends making a point to keep me away from dangerous stuff makes me feel like a toddler. i get it, they don't want me to die but i'm not gonna stab myself or something right in front of them or in the middle of school
i have nerve damage in my hip which is damaging nerves all the way up my back so if i stand for (literally) five minutes i will be in excruciating pain for the rest of the night. i picked flowers yesterday and the few minutes of walking left my legs completely incapable of supporting me
it. sucks a lot
but it's nice that my friends wanna help ig, they will literally pick me up off the floor if i need them to (which has happened a few times so i know they will)

[Rook!]

tw suicide ment
oof i feel u on the suicidal thing


ooooof i have arthritis in my hip so if i do physical activity i end up having to lay down and i start crying cos it hurts

yeah, friends are sweet n good n helpful but sometimes they try to be too helpful

[grayflower]

sHOOT should i be putting tw's?

ah i'm sorry, pain is the worst
it's terrible when you actually want to be active and exercise n stuff but it hurts

exactly!! i don't think they get that sometimes

[Rook!]

ya, they recently made a rule oof


yeah like!!!!!!!! i love to figure skate but i cant even to it for five minute anymore bc of my hips and knees


oof i wish there was a flow chart of "when to help ur disabled friend"